a little bit of twisted thoughts

I hate it. I hate me. I hate almost everyone around me. I hate my stomach. I hate my arms. I hate my legs. I hate my ass. I hate my face. I hate my eyes. I hate my lips. I hate my fat chin. I hate that my hair isn’t straight. I hate all the problems. I hate it when I try suicide but someone stands in the way. I hate when people tell me everything will be better. I hate it when the voices are pulling my mind apart. I hate the question ‘why did you do it?’ I hate to fake smiles when I just want to scream. I hate it when no one listens to what I’m really trying to say. I hate it when I don’t win. I hate when someone says they feel sorry for me. I hate to lie about how I feel. I hate to always be disappointed. I hate to be a disappointment myself. I hate that I have to cut myself. I hate that I am that emotional. I hate when I love someone, who doesn’t love me back. I hate when I panic because strangers talks to me. I hate it when I don’t know the answer. I hate when my mouth says yes but my mind says no. I hate to be kicked when I’m already on the ground. I hate my hands and fingers. I hate that I can’t sing. I hate that there isn’t anything I’m really good at. I hate that nobody cares about the things I do. I hate that no one can do anything about all the bad things in life. I hate that I can’t accept help from anyone. I hate that I’m always thinking about how I want to die. I hate that I’m terrible at writing poems. I hate when people hurt me over and over again. I hate that I’m always number two. I hate when I can’t control my feelings. I hate when I’ getting mad at my friends for no reason. I hate when someone tells me I look pretty over and over again, when I know it’s not true. I hate when I say things out loud that was supposed to stay inside my head. I hate when people look at me like I’m insane. I hate when strangers on the street stares at me. I hate when I’m told to ‘have a nice day’, when it’s never a nice day. I hate when people think they know how I feel, but really they have no idea. I hate when someone tells me how to feel. I hate when someone calls and I really don’t want to talk with anyone. I hate when someone grabs my arm when it’s filled with new cuts. I hate when my razorblades can’t cut deep enough. I hate it when I get lost. I hate when I do something wrong. I hate when I don’t know what’s wrong and what’s right. I hate it when I’m wrong about what’s left and what’s right. I hate it when my iPod says ‘low battery’.  I hate when I forget something. I hate when I can’t fall asleep. I hate when I’m talking and I can see that people doesn’t listen to what I’m saying. I hate when I don’t reach my goals. I hate to remove my makeup. I hate when someone tells me that my favorite song is bad. I hate when I fall asleep while I’m texting. I hate when I don’t know what to wear. I hate that I care too much about what people thinks about me. I hate that I don’t have a real home but I have to move from one place to another. I hate homework. I hate most of my teachers. I hate when I draw a beautiful drawing and then have to throw it out because I don’t like people complimenting my work. I hate when people copy me. I hate when my headset breaks. I hate when I can’t remember the name of a good song. I hate to buy tickets for the train. I hate when someone I don’t like tries to hug me. I hate it when I can’t help crying and there are loads of people around me. I hate when someone pretends to care but really the person is just curios. I hate that I didn’t say goodbye to my great-grandfather before he passed away. I hate when I hear things that aren’t real. I hate to discuss when I know I’m right. I hate my asthma. I hate when I can’t help someone I really want to help. I hate when someone tells me what I’ve done is stupid. I hate when someone says they can’t stand something or someone that I love. I hate that I have to brush my teeth twice every time I brush them. I hate when I do something good and then someone does it better. I hate to be told that I’m always in a bad mood, and that I ruin everybody else’s day because of it. I hate when someone have too high expectations for me and I end up disappointing everyone. I hate when someone wants to talk with me and then none of us got something to say. I hate that I’m shy. I hate when I want to watch the moon and the stars and then all I see is black. I hate when a perfect moment is ruined – especially when I am the one to ruin it. I hate it when someone doesn’t get me or the way I’m thinking. I hate to be all stressed out. I hate when people are all happy and positive when I just want to sit alone and sulk. I hate that I feel like I have to live a lie. I hate that all I hate can’t be on this one page. I hate that my perspective on life sucks that much.